Game of Thrones – Season 3 – Episode 9 – The Rains of Castamere

Game of Thrones – Season 3 – Episode 9 – The Rains of Castamere

Overall Thoughts: Holy Fuck! Holy Fuck!! Holy Fuck!!! Holy Fuck!!!! Holy Fuck!!!!! I knew what was coming and I still got all emotional. I never was a huge Robb fan, and I enjoyed Catelyn even less, but I will really miss them. This was the best episode of the series. Many fans will argue that distinction goes to Blackwater (Season 2 – Episode 9), but the Rains of Castamere had action, and shock value. It was like Ned’s beheading and Blackwater combined into one kick ass episode. While the Red part of the Red Wedding went rather quickly (less than eight minutes) it was so gripping that it felt like much longer.

The theme of the episode seemed to be  loss and sacrifice. Bran sent Rickon off to be safe. Ygritte nearly sacrificed herself for Jon during his escape. Jon put his life on the line for an old man her barely knew. Robb sacrificed his pride in order to win back Lord Walder. We are reminded that Robb scarified everything for Talisa in the first place. Catelyn attempted to sacrifice herself so Robb could live. Arya and the Hound argued about the worth of a man’s life, much like Jon and the wildlings did. Arya sacrificed her safety at a chance to see or help her family. And, obviously the loss of life was the main driver at the end of the episode.

Grade: A+

We open with Robb and Catelyn discussing battle plans. Notice the focus on the X, Chess piece. Think who is tied to an X currently. Now think who is tourturing him. Now put two and two together. Now get mad if I spoiled something for you. Now, be happy if you had no fucking clue who that guy was. Now, back to the story.

Robb wants to attack Casterly Rock, the homestead of the Lannisters, and he wants to know what mama thinks. She is worried that the plan is crazy, and that it relys on Walder Frey, who Robb spurned just a few episodes back. Catelyn decides to say, “Fuck it let’s do it anyway.” Nice parenting mom.

“Show them how it feels to lose what they love.”


“This plan has a high chance we end up deader than Ned, but vengeance!”

Those words kind of come back to bite her in the ass, actually more the throat.

The Stark gang heads to the Twins, home of House Frey, and inside Walder Frey extends his hospitality and protection. They break bread dipped salt, a ritual that gives them guest rights.

“I extend to you my hospitality and protection in the light of the Seven.” – Lord Walder

Robb says he is sorry, and Walder once again shows off what lovely young daughters and granddaughters he has. Once again, he can’t remember all of their names. Edmure looks them over and I think he is considering the two twin twelve year olds at this point.



“You could have had either. You could have had both for all I care.”

Robb apologizes to all the ladies and Walder gives him a slow clap.

Walder wants to check out Talisa. Who wouldn’t I suppose? He remarks that Robb married her more for lust than love.

“Prettier than this lot. That’s for sure.”

Walder knows what is going on under that dress.

“I can always see what’s going on beneath a dress.”

“I bet when you take that dress off, everything stays right where it is, doesn’t drop an inch.”

On my second watch of the episode I think that was Lord Walder’s way of saying he knew Talisa was pregnant.

“The wine will flow red, and the music will play loud, and we will put this mess behind us.” – Lord Walder

Another possible statement with some foreshadowing, or perhaps I am just adding it now that I know how it all goes down.

Over is Essos, Dany is going over battle strategy of her own with her crew of Barristan Selmy, Jorah Mormont and Daario Naharis. Daario thinks they should go into a back gate that his men use when they want to get freaky with some slave girls. Daario ain’t into that type of stuff.

“A man cannot make love to property.”

Dany gives him a deep look.

daario and dany

“You have my attention.”

Jorah, of course doesn’t trust him. Grey Worm, for whatever reason does. The plan is to send three men into the city and open the front door. Once that is done the city will fall quickly. Sure it will!

North of the Wall, Sam and Gilly are still walking, but they finally reach the Wall. Sam plans to find the Black Gate, a secret Night’s Watch Passage. They will pass through the Black Gate and onto the other side. That sounds much easier than the climb.

Sam learned of the secret entrance in a book. Books are great. So great in fact that Gilly thinks Sam is a wizard. You’re a wizard Sammy!

Near the Twins, the Hound and Arya come upon a lonely traveler, who broke a wheel on his cart. The Hound helps him out and then punches the guy in the face. He attempts to kill him, but Arya stops this from happening.

The Hound’s reasoning is sound:

“Dead rats, don’t squeak.”

This scene reminded me of Jaime and Brienne, waaaay back in episode 2, and we all remember how that worked out.

Arya calls the Hound a pussy.

“I know killer, a real killer. You’d be like a kitten to him. He’d kill you with his little finger.”

“That him.”



Ha! The Hound continues to be the best. Arya gets the big man to try not murder for once. Then as the man arises, Arya hammers him over the head with a stick.

I think she intrigues the Hound, but he offers her words to live by in Westeros.

“You’re very kind. Someday it’ll get you killed.”

Just South of the Wall, Bran and his crew (ever notices how every main character has a crew now except for Jaime?) come to a tower in the Gift.

Jojen displays his meteorology skills and they decide they are going to stay the night in the tower.

We hop to Jon and Orell informs the group of wildlings that there is one old man ahead with eight horses. The old guy breeds horses for the Night’s Watch. The wildlings want to kill the old dude, and Jon of course does not. Orell calls him out for not being with them for the 800th time. Jon tries to bargain for the old man’s life.

“The watch might send a few men looking for a horse thief. They’ll send a lot more hunting down murderers.”

Tormund has a better point though.

“I hope so, killing Crows near a castle is tough, killing them out here, in the open, that’s what we do.”

They run at the hut and the old guy hops on his horse and rides out. Ygritte has a shot at him, but Jon yells at her and she misses. I can’t tell if she does so on purpose or not, but she gives Jon a glare colder than any White Walker’s touch.

Back near the Twins, the Hound is just chilling while Arya is trying to get things moving. The Hound calls her out for being scared that her family is going to leave before she gets there.

“You’re almost there, and you’re afraid you won’t make it. The closer you get the worse the fear gets.”

Arya goes right back at Clegane.

“I knew fear when I saw it in you. You are afraid of fire.”

The Hound continues to push the youngest Stark girl until she snaps.

“Someday I’m going to put a sword through your eye and out the back of your skull.”

Back in the Tower, Bran and company discuss how they will get past the wall. Just as this happens, the old horse breeder is surrounded by wildlings and Jon Snow. Hodor is freaked out by the thunder and keeps Hodoring.And now we pause for the best rap song since Daario Naharis actor Ed Skrein!!

Don’t ask me how I find this shit.

Orell hears something, but we find out Bran can jump into other people’s bodies. He enters Hodor, no homo (Shout out to Roy Hibbert) and calms him down.

Outside, Orell mentions the shouting, but Tormund dismisses it. Tormund is about to kill the old man, but Orell suggests that Jon do the deed, and he isn’t talking about the fun one with Ygritte.

Jojen tells Bran to warg out and into one of the wolves.

Jon contemplates killing the man, but can’t do it. Ygritte shoots the horse breeder herself and a fight breaks out. Jon knocks Ygritte away to keep her safe, and Tormund stops her from entering the fight.

“You’re not going to die for one of them.”

Bran finally wargs into his wolf Summer and takes out several wildlings. Jon final kills Orell, but not before Orell wargs into the bird. It is warg central.

Jon takes a bird to the dome, knocks it away and rolls off on his horse. Ygritte is pissed. If I thought that look earlier was cold, this one was at absolute zero.

Across the Narrow Sea, Daario, Jorah and Grey worm sneak into the city. We discover Daario is an excellent whistler. They are ambushed by several guards and have a pretty sweet fight scene. They take out the first wave and go back to back to back, just like all badass fighting groups. The next wave of soldiers rushes in and we cut back to the Twins.

Walder Frey walks the bride down the aisle, but no one can tell what she looks like because she has a veil on. It is obviously not the twins from earlier. Damn! Edmure looks nervous, but as the veil is lifted and we see a hottie, he looks well excited. Good for you Edmure. How the hell does he get a stunner? Frey must have done this to show Robb what he could have had.

In the tower, Jojen explains warging to Bran. He is the only person, who can warg into another person. Get it? Osha pulls her whole, “I’m not going North of the wall” spiel again. This time Bran tells her she has to take Rickon to be safe. Rickon has like five lines! All in one scene! What is happening! Osha takes Bran’s command and leaves immediately. She wanted to get the fuck outta dodge I guess.

At Dany’s camp, she is worried that Daario, Grey Worm and Jorah have been away too long. Just as she says this Grey Worm and Jorah come back covered in blood. Daario is missing, and Dany is worried about him. She asks where he is and Jorah looks like somebody shit in his Easter basket.

Jorah IANP

“Daario, Daario, Daario. What about Jorah?”

Daario rolls up all smooth like and tells Dany the city is yours. Jorah could have totally done this, but he has no game. Did I already mention that Daario raps? I did!?! Well I will again anyway.

At the Tully-Frey nuptials, the band is playing, everybody but Roose is drinking and people seem to be enjoying themselves.

“The Gods love to reward a fool.” – Blackfish about Edmure.

We find out the Roose is a gold digger.

“Aye, Lord Walder let me choose any one of his grand daughters and offered her weight in silver as a dowry, so I have a fat young bride.”

Talisa and Robb flirt, and when Robb moves in for a kiss, Talisa tells him to hold the phone.

Walder calls for the bedding, which I explained last week. Edmure and his bride are carried out and Edmure even starts to get a HJ on the way out.

“Once you set that monster free there is no caging him again.”

Ha! I expected Edmure to have a minnow in his pants not a muskie.

Talisa and Robb banter about bedding and they talk about the baby they are about to have. If it is a boy they will name him Eddard. Note: this is a terrible idea.

Oh fuck. It is that time. We will now break down the action based on what Catelyn’s face is saying.

They kiss and Catelyn notices that one of the Frey mean closes the door to the hall.

The look on Catelyn’s face says: That is odd…

The band begins to play the Rains of Castamere.

The look on Catelyn’s face says: I have a bad feeling about this.

Outside the Hound pulls up in his cart and tries to get into the feast pretending to be delivering salt pork. He is too late. Arya takes this chance to abandon the cart and look around.

Inside the hall, Walder Frey stops the song and starts monologing.

The look on Catelyn’s face says: Why are villains always doing that?

She lifts up the outer layer of Roose’s sleeve and notices that he has chainmail on.

The look on Catelyn’s face says: Oh, fuck you!

She slaps the shit out of him, and as he runs like a bitch she screams, “Robb!”

Walder gives Robb his wedding gift. One of his men delievers it, but he doesn’t give it to Robb, he presents the gift to Talisa in the form of a knife in the stomach. (This is why you don’t name your unborn son Eddard.)

THE RED WEDDING HAS OFFICIALLY BEGUN! Was your reaction like any of these?

Or was it more like this guy?

The band begins to fire arrows into Robb, and any Stark supporter in the crowd.

Catelyn takes one in the back.

The look on Catelyn’s face says: OWWWWW!

Outside, the Frey men start killing more Stark men and then shoot Robb’s wolf, Grey Wind.

Arya witnesses both events and tries to make it into the castle to see her family. The Hound catches up to her and knocks her out, and carries her out of the area.

Back in the hall, Catelyn crawls around under the table, and Robb crawls towards his wife.

“The King in the North arises.”

The look on Catelyn’s face says: I better do some crazy shit quick.

Catelyn grabs a dagger, springs up, and grabs Walder’s wife.

“Lord Walder, enough. Let it end. Please. He is my son. My first son. Let him go and I swear we will forget this.”

Lord Walder ain’t having it. Catelyn begins to beg.

“Please, please!!!”

The look on Catelyn’s face says: I’m fucking desperate.

She tries a new tactic.

“On my honor as a Tully, on my honor as a Stark, let him go or I will cut your wife’s throat.”

The look on Catelyn’s face says: I’m dead fucking serious you old coot.

Walder don’t give a fuck:

“I’ll find another.”


Robb stands up and let’s out a whiperish “Mother.”

The look on Catelyn’s face says: My boy, my baby boy…

Roose comes back into the mix and stabs the eldest Stark!

“The Lannisters send their regards.”

The look on Catelyn’s face says: Noooooooo!

She screams bloody murder, then commits bloody murder.

The look on Catelyn’s face says: I’ve lost my mind.

As she stands in a catatonic state, one of the Frey men slits Catelyn’s throat.

The look on Catelyn’s face says: I’ve lost a lot of blood.

As her body falls lifelessly to the floor, we roll silent credits.

Wow! The scene in the book made some readers want to quit on the series, the scene in the show has apparently done the same thing. It just made me realize (again) no one is safe. How did it make you feel?


Game of Thrones Season 3 – Episode 6 – The Climb

Game of Thrones Season 3 Episode 6 – The Climb

Overall Thoughts: While this Episode had some awesome scenes, it was one of the slower episodes of the Season. I understand they had to slow down a bit to give the storylines some room to grow and expand, but I felt like several of them were at more of a crawl than a walk. The pacing of the show will always be a problem and that is because the pacing of the books is a problem, but there will always be a few major set pieces per season that will knock people’s socks off.

Grade: B-

We open with Sam, Gilly and the babe.

“You’ve got to much wood in there,” Gilly tells Sam referring to the fire.


“If she only knew.”

They discuss how Sam is highborn, and he changes the subject to the Dragonglass blade.

“What does it do?” Gilly wondered.

It is used for stabbing, duh.

They are still a few days from the Wall, and Sam details the finer things from Castle Black, like a fire that is always burning and venison stew. He starts to sing to the babe.

“The father’s face is stern and strong…”

“The mother gives the gift of life…”

Side note: All this talk of the seven reminded me of a reader theory I found last week and I have to pass it on. These aren’t really spoilers, but the correlation is interesting. Basically the Starks are matched up to the Seven new Gods, and it all fits except for maybe Rickon.

The Seven is really a single deity with seven aspects, each symbolizes a different area of life.

Ned is the Father, which sits in judgment over souls.

Catelyn is The Mother, which is prayed to for mercy, fertility, childbirth and peace.

Robb is the Warrior, who represents protection, valor, and skill in battle

Sansa is the Maiden, or purity, love and beauty.

Arya is the Stranger, or death, which if you know what she is doing in the latest books fits.

Bran is the Crone representing wisdom and forsight.

That means Rickon would be the Smith. So, it could be him who rebuilds Winterfell. Rickon is still up in there air because we don’t know a lot about him.

Check out this video for more information about the gods.

Back to the Episode.

At another camp fire, Osha and Meera talk shit to each other about who can skin rabbits better, who can hunt better and who can be bitchier. Osha gets in the best burns in the exchange.

“You’ve got a big mouth girl, and too many teeth.”

“Lady Reed has a stick so far up her ass it’s a wonder her feet touch the ground.”

Bran does his whole I’m a Stark routine and forces them to get along.


“You’re a good little hunter, and a quite the little bitch.”

Jojen begins to convulse. At first I thought he was doing the Harlem Shake, Westeros, but apparently, Green seers are also epileptic. I don’t remember that from the book.

Rickon gets two line of dialogue! I almost forgot he was alive. Jojen was dreaming of a white walker, and saw our boy Jon Snow.

“I saw Jon Snow…he is on the wrong side of the wall.” – Jojen

Speaking of Jon boy, we jump to Jon and Ygritte preparing to climb the wall. Ygritte calls Jon out for being afraid, I know I would be 700 feet, fuck that.

JS Climb

“Bitch that wall is 700 feet high, and you want me to climb it with a rope and a pick axe?”

Ygritte gives Jon some climbing shoes because he is good at oral. She stole them from her ex-boyfriend. She then continues to be horny all the time and talks about how good his skill in bed is.

“You’re a proper lover Jon Snow.”

“You’re going to be loyal to your woman.”

She gets real on him for a minute.

“It is you and me that matters to me and you…Don’t ever betray me.”

I would not cheat on Ygritte if I was you Jon Snow.

“I’ll cut your pretty cock right off and wear it around me neck.”


I would definitely not cheat on Ygritte if I was you Jon Snow!!!

jon questions

“I got myself a crazy red-hed!”

We head back South, and Arya is doing her creepy prayer thingy and learning how to shoot a bow and arrow. She has good aim, but apparently she is takes to long to aim.

“Never hold.”

“Never aim.”

Melisandre shows up. How did she find them so fast? Some of these people have been roaming around the Riverlands for two seasons and she finds them in two  episodes?

Mel is giving Thoros shit for being a drunk. I think that is his best quality. When Thoros said “You worship him your way and I worship him mine,” in high valaryian I actually read the subtitles as “I worship him with wine.” That would have been way better.

Beric Dead

“I worship him with wine.”

She is here to see Beric, who looks like he has died six times over. Mel examines him and is jealous that Thoros can resurrect people. Umm, this is the same chick that squirts demons out of her gash. She should not be surprised by this. Thoros goes into a monologue about his faith and we learn he used to fuck all the whores in King’s Landing. That must have been a lot of work.

I did however like the following quote:

“I knelt beside his cold body and said the old words. Not because I believed in them, but he was my friend and he was dead.”

Beric tells us that there is only darkness on the other side. That is depressing.

Mel finally tells us why she is here. She wants Gendry, and not in the table fucking way she wanted Stannis. Naturally, Arya doesn’t like Melisandre and Gendry points out why.

“That’s cause you’re a girl.”

This is the second time this episode has expressed that even in Westeros girls don’t like each other.

Mel steals Gendry and tells them he is more than they (the Brotherhood) will ever be.

“You will make Kings rise and fall.”


“From what I’ve heard you make certain Kings rise all the time m’lady.”

It seems as though Gendry is going to take the place of Edric Storm a young bastard who Stannis and Mel wanted to sacrifice for his King’s blood in the books.

“You’re a witch,” Arya tells Mel.


“I think you meant bitch.”

Mel then touches Arya and has a vision.

“I see a darkness in you, and in that darkness eyes staring back at me. Brown eyes. Blue eyes. Green eyes. Eyes you will shut forever. We will meet again.”

I feel this represents all of the people Arya is going to kill.

Back at the wall, the climb has begun.

Jon looks down. Don’t ever look down. Ygritte continues to bust Jon’s balls even when they are some 400 feet in the air.

“You staring at me ass Jon Snow?”

He slips, but ends up alright.

We head back to the X, or as my friend Trav point out, Saint Andrew’s cross that Theon is tied to. He is still being tortured, and we find out it was is for no good reason.

Literally his torturer says.

“This isn’t happening to you for a reason.”

Yup, we know.

I liked Theon’s conversion in the books, but I also liked not seeing it firsthand. It is kind of boring to watch someone get tortured.

The torturer makes up a story that he is the son of Rickard Karstark. Why? I don’t know, just like I don’t have any clue why they are shoving this storyline down our throats. I already felt bad for Theon.

I hope they get this storyline over quickly.

Over at Tully manor, Robb Stark meets with some Frey’s and they are planning a wedding as well. Apparently it is wedding season in Westeros!

Edmure has to marry one of the Frey girls. Hey, at least she is 19.

Robb wants to wait, but the Frey’s insist.

“His recent experience has made him weary of long engagements.”

When the Frey’s leave the room Edmure tells Robb that he won’t be marrying just anyone.

“Why should I let that old ferret choice my bride for me?”

Robb and the council really turn the screws into him and he comes around.


“I’ll marry her, but she better at least be a 4.”

Roose Bolton is giving audience to Brienne and Jaime. Brienne looks pretty in her dress and Jaime looks to be having a tough time cutting his steak.

Bri and J dress

Roose will allow Jaime to go, but he has to tell his Daddy that Roose had nothing to do with his maiming.

Roose also doesn’t drink. No wonder he sucks.

Jaime assumes Brienne is going to come with him to King’s Landing, but we find out Roose has other plans for her. Then he drops this line on Jaime.

“I would have hoped you learned your lesson about overplaying your…position.”

What a dick.

Next up, we have the best scene of the Episode. Tywin v. Lady Olenna in a debate about who will marry who.

Tywin scores points first going after Loras’ sexuality.

“My stomach remains quite strong however. The only thing that might turn it are details of your grandson’s nocturnal activities.”

Lady Olenna brushes it off.

“It is a natural thing for two boys to go at it underneath the sheets.”

In Highgarden dudes banging dudes happens all the time.

“A sword swallower through and through.” – Lady Olenna about Loras.

Lady Olenna then turns the conversation to rumors about Jaime and Cersei sticking each other.

Tywin doesn’t have time for that nonsense and tells her he will name Loras to the Kingsguard, if Lady Olenna denies the marriage. Thus Highgarden will go to Joffrey and Margaery’s kids.

The queen of thorns lost this round.

Back at the wall, the climbing crew is a little closer to their goal. They run into trouble though when a wallvalanche spills down and causes Jon and Ygritte to fall. That son-of-a-bitch Orell cuts the rope, but Jon just manages to get to swing to the edge and grab on just in time. Then, he saves the girl. Jon gives Orell the “I’m going to fucking kill you” look. I can’t wait to see that.


“Fuck you Bird man.”

Sansa and Loras discuss their potential wedding and broaches and pins. Oh if they only knew. Loras has been planning his wedding day for quite a while from the sounds of things.

Tyrion and Cersei both discuss the fact that they aren’t happy about getting set up with the Tyrells.

“We can have them both killed.” – Cersei

Cersei finally gives Tyrion credit for saving the day during the Battle of the Blackwater.

We also find out that it was Joffrey who ordered Ser Mandon to go after Tyrion.

Tyrion wonders what would happen if Jaime showed up and found out Cersei was to be wed.

“Ser Loras may come down with a terrible case of sword through bowels.”

Doesn’t Ser Loras get a sword to the bowels like every other night?

Tyrion has to tell Sansa about their engagement and he has to do it in front of his girl Shea. This is surely not going to end well.

“How to begin? This, this is awkward.” – Tyrion

Varys and Littlefinger are chilling in the throne room debating how many blades are in the throne. Littlefinger and Varys both express their views on order and chaos.

Varys is pro order, Littlefinger is pro chaos.

“The realm..Do you know what the realm is? It’s the thousand blades of Aegon’s enemies. A story we agree to tell each other over and over until we forget it is a lie.” – Littlefinger

“But what do we have left once we abandon the lie. Chaos, a gaping pit waiting to swallow us all.” – Varys

Then Littlefinger goes into the monologue of the Episode and one of the best of the Season. I seriously watched it 10 times, back to back to back to back to back to back to back to back to back to back.

“Chaos isn’t a pit. Chaos is a ladder. Many who try to climb it fail, never get to try again. The fall breaks them. And some are given a chance to climb, but they refuse. They cling to the realm, or the gods, or love. Illusions. Only the ladder is real. The climb is all there is.”

Woooooowwww. 10 points to Gryffindor for whoever wrote that shit.

Speaking of the climb Jon and Ygritte finally make it to the top and the sun comes out to greet them.

We get a great view of the landscape and then Jon and Ygritte make out on top of the world. Yeehaw.