Game of Thrones Season 3 – Episode 8 – Second Sons

Game of Thrones Season 3 – Episode 8 – Second Sons

Overall Thoughts: While I expected more in this episode after the plodding of the last two episodes in terms of story movement, I thoroughly enjoyed the first part of Wedding Season in Westeros. Peter Dinklage pulled off a perfect drunken Tyrion. Sophie Turner put together her best performance to date, it was good to see Davos again, and it was so, so good to see Daenerys (naked) again. Sorry, I couldn’t resist.

Grade: B

We open with a rock. Not the Rock, but a rock. A rather sizable rock. Probably considered a cobble. Arya is going to use said cobble to bash Clegane’s head in.

The Hound notices what the wolf bitch is up to and gives her an offer:

“I’ll give you one try girl. Kill me and you’re free, but if you live, I’ll break both your hands. Go on hit me. Hit me hard.”

We cut to Arya on a horse with the Hound. The Hound tells Arya about how he saved Sansa.

“Ask her, who came back for her when the mob had her on her back. They would have taken her every which way, left her there with her throat cut open.”

Silly Arya thinks that the Red Fork is the Blackwater. The Hound informs her that he is going to take her to her Uncle Edmure’s wedding.

“The whole country side is yapping about it.”

It will be a wedding no one will forget.

Over in Yunkai, Dany and the two advisors are checking out the Second Sons. They are group of sellswords (mercenaries) led by a man called the Titan’s bastard.

Dany plans on converting them. She believes that they will switch sides because if they lose to a girl it would be bad for their reputation. This logic doesn’t make a ton of sense to me, but whatever.

They have a sit down and the Titan’s Bastard, some dude I forget and Daario Naharis show up. The Titan’s Bastard is a vulgar dude. If there was a dirtiest mouth in Westeros list, he would be in the top five.

Here is a list of his greatest hits followed by the rating.

“I swear I fucked you once at a pleasure house in Lys.” – 3 Stars

“She liked my ass like she was born to do it.” – 4.5 Stars

“Take your clothes off and come and sit on Mero’s lap.” – 2 Stars

*Sniffs Missandei* – 3 Stars

“Show me your cunt, let me see if it is worth fighting for.” – 4 Stars

“The Second Sons share everything, after the battle maybe we will share you.” 4 Stars

“I’ll come looking for you when this is over. *Slaps Missandei on theass* – 4.5 Stars

Wow he is a bastard!

We jump to Dragonstone, and Melisandre and Gendry are arriving on shore. God that was fast. Didn’t I talk about how quick she found the Brothers Without Banners a few weeks ago? Why is she the only one that can cover great distances quickly? It must be a red priest drink.

Stannis has a good look at Gendry. They send him to the chambers for a bath and fitting, and Stannis wonders why Melisandre doesn’t dispense with all formalities and kill the little shit already. Apparently, she has a plan.

“Have you ever slaughtered a lamb my King?…If the lamb sees the knife she panics. Her panic seeps into her meat darkens it, fouls the flavor.”

Gross.

Meanwhile in the dungeon, Davos is re-e-e-adin-gggg. T-T-T-Today JUNIOR!

Stannis comes to visit him and they debate the difference between kill and sacrifice.

Davos is Pro-Life for Gendry, while Stannis is Pro-Choice Gendry.

“What’s one bastard boy against a Kingdom.” – Stannis

Damn, Stannis is cold.

Davos doesn’t buy that reasoning. Davos knows that Stannis knows that Davos will try to talk Stannis out of sacrificing Gendry because Davos knows that Stannis knows Stannis doesn’t slaughter innocents. Or something like that.

The move the conversation into a religious debate. Davos represents the atheists. Stannis represents the born agains. They are touching on all kinds of touchy subjects tonight.

“I think mothers and fathers made up the gods because they wanted their children to sleep through the night.” – Davos

Point Davos.

“I saw a vision in the flames.  A great battle in the snow. I saw it…and you saw whatever she gave birth to. I never believed, but when you see the truth, when it is right there in front of you as real as these iron bars, how can you deny her god is real?”

Point Stannis.

I’m calling it a draw for now.

We head back to Yunkai and it is time for the Titan’s Bastard’s greatest hits volume 2.

“She won’t talk so much when she is chocking on my cock.” – 4 Stars

“My cock will find a way. Tell him. Is there any place that my cock can’t reach?” – 5 Stars

“Daario Naharis the whore who doesn’t like whores.” – 2 Stars

“She sells her cheeks and you sell your blade. What is the difference?” – 2.5 Stars

“No peeking.” *Kisses the whore on the ass* *Slaps the whore on the ass* – 3 Stars

They play a game of chance to see who has to kill Dany. Three coins passed out by the whore to the three “captains.” I didn’t get game. She can’t feel the difference of the coins? He explains which coin is which, so really she could determine which coin goes to which person right? Whatever, doesn’t matter.

Down in King’s Landing, Tyrion shows up at Sansa’s door. He sorta tells Sansa that he thinks she is hot in front of Shea. It is awkward. He has Pod take Shea out of the room. It is awkward some more.

Peter Dinklage does a great job portraying the awkwardness.

“You won’t be a prisoner after today. You will be my wife. I suppose that is a different kind of prison.”

“You’re right I have no idea how you feel.”

Oh Tyrion, none of us get how women think.

Tyrion asks Sansa if she drinks, to which she replies, “When I have to.”

He tells her, “well today you have to.” Which is practically Tyrion’s motto.

At the Great Sept of Baelor (the wedding chapel), Margaery is trying to suck up to Cersei, who tells her about the Rains of Castamere. Basically, there is some correlation between the family in the story, the Reyne’s and Tyrell’s. Both of the houses were number 2 when the wanted to be number 1! House Reyne rebelled and Tywin handled it.

“Gone, a gentle word. I’d saw slaughtered. Every man, woman and child put to the sword.”

After story time, Cersei threatens Margaery.

“If you every call me sister again, I’ll have you strangled in your sleep.”

I didn’t like this line. It is way too direct of a threat for Cersei. The delivery was great, but she is much more subtle in her scheming.

It is wedding time and Joffrey torments Sansa once again, by walking her down the aisle. What a sweet guy.

Joffrey

“I’m still the worst!”

Once the reach the top of the steps, Joffrey removes a step ladder that happens to be sitting there. Why you ask? Because Tyrion has to cloak the bride and Sansa is waaay to tall for him to pull that off. People are snickering at him and Tyrion is not amused. Neither is Tywin for the matter. Sansa kneels to help him out.

We jump back to Dragonstone and Melisandre is showing Gendry what real wealth looks like. They both share that they didn’t eat well growing up. She starts getting him drunk and then starts…putting the moves on him? I guess she has to sacrifice that ass to sacrifice his ass.

“This doesn’t seem very religious.” – Gendry

He is 100% correct on this, and on that note, where can I sign up for the Lord of Light? Who wouldn’t enjoy that service?

She makes the move and starts to ride him. Then she starts to tie him up. Kinky.

Things turn from Kinky to torturous.  She straps his feet and the poor bastard (pun intended) never knew what hit him. She pulls three leeches out of a box and puts them on his chest, stomach and COCK!

“Not there, not there!”

Damn right not there!

What is up with all the torture porn. First Theon, now Gendry.

Stannis and Davos walk in on this fucked up sex session, and then Mel pulls the leeches off with tweezers. How kind.

Stannis then names three people to die.

Robb Stark.

Balon Greyjoy.

Joffrey Baretheon.

With apologizes to Robb, two outta three ain’t bad.

It is party time in King’s Landing as well and Tyrion is looking drank. Lady Olenna is trying to figure out who will be whose uncle, brother-in-law and/or nephew/grandson.

Tywin notices Tyrion’s inebriation and scolds him.

“Your wife needs a child. A Lannister child. As soon as possible.”

Tyrion reminds daddy that he is good at two things specifically:

“Drinking and lust. No man can match me in these things.”

We then get a God of Tits and Wine call back from his conversation with Varys in season 2.

“I am the god of tits and wine. I shall build a shrine to myself at the next brothel I visit.”

All worship at the thrine of Tyrion or GOTAW!

Up in the balcony area, Loras tries to strick up a convo with Cersei, but she don’t give a fuck! She gives him the cold, cold shoulder. No wonder the dude likes dudes.

Back where most of the guests are hanging out, Joffrey corners Sansa and torments her some more.

“Maybe I’ll pay you a visit tonight after my uncle passes out.”

I didn’t know he liked girls.

Joffrey tries to get the bedding ceremony going. For those of you who don’t know, a bedding ceremony is where they rip all off the clothes of the bride and groom. The ladies carry the groom up to the bedroom and the men carry the bride up to the bedroom all while making inappropriate comments. This could be one Westerosi ceremony that I would like to check out.

Tyrion doesn’t want a bedding ceremony to go down and let’s Joffrey know it.

“You’ll be fucking your own bride with a wooden cock.”

Tywin dispenses with the bedding, and implies that Tyrion should apologize, which he sort of does through self-deprecation.

“A bad joke your grace, made out of envy of you own royal man hood. Mine is so small. My poor wife won’t even know I’m there.”

HA! Emmy for Dinklage!

Tywin points out that the half man is half drunk, or more likely whole drunk.

“Your uncle is clearly drunk your grace.” – Tywin

Tyrion admits he is and continues his Emmy performance.

“I am…guilty, but it is my wedding night. My tiny drunk cock and I have a job to do. Come wife. I vomited on a girl once in the middle of the act. Not proud of it, but I think honestly is important between a man and wife. Don’t’ you agree? Come I’ll tell you all about it, put you in the mood!”

HAHA!

Back in the bedroom, Tyrion gets a touch more serious.

“Astoundingly long…neck, you have one.”

He is talking like Yoda. We find out that Sansa is only 14! Damn!

Tyrion gets a lot more serious.

“My lord father has commanded me to consummate this marriage.”

After that news, Sansa drinks some wine!

OUCH!

She starts to take off her clothes and Tyrion watches for a moment. Then, he tells her to stop. The way he was half watching reminded me of his scene with Bronn. Where Bronn tells him something like, “you want to fuck the Stark girl, you just don’t want to admit it.”

Tyrion gets way more serious.

“I could. I won’t. If my father wants someone to get fucked I know where he can start. I won’t share your bed. Not until you want me to.”

Sansa wonders, “What if I never want you to?”

Tyrion replies, “and so my watch begins.”

Yes, another callback, this time to Season 1 and his Night’s Watch visit. The writer’s are on point with Tyrion’s dialogue tonight.

Tyrion heads over to the “couch” and passes out, hard.

We jump to Yunkai again and Dany is taking a bath talking to Missandei about languages.

Daario dressed as an unsullied is here to claim his prize.

“Don’t scream lively girl.” – Daario

He kind of talks like Jaqen H’ghar, the super assassin from Season 2, which is interesting because there are some theories out there that Daario is Jaqen. Personally, I don’t buy that theory, but it is interesting nonetheless.

He drops two heads on the floor, one belonging to some guy I don’t remember and the other belonging to THE TITAN’S BASTARD! No!!!! I guess we will never get that third greatest hits album after all.

Daario professes to be a self motivator.

“I only do what I want to do…I am Daario Naharis, I always have  choice.”

Dany stands up out of the tub to address him. I’m sure Daario enjoyed that, I sure did.

She makes him swear his allegiance, and he obliges.

We head back to King’s Landing, and Shea shows up at Tyrion and Sansa’s pad with breakfast and discovers that Tyrion didn’t sleep with Sansa. She is sooooo Happy!

North of the wall for the first time this episode, Sam, Gilly and the babe look for some shelter in the night. They find and old shack and as they head in, a raven shows up. Then another one.

Inside the shanty, Sam can’t start a fire, and Gilly invites him under the furs.

Sam

Which furs m’lady?

He jumps at that. They flirt back and forth and debate a wink and a blink and difference there in.

“A wink is on purpose.” – Gilly

Next they discuss boys names. Last names and first names. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. Is this heading somewhere?

More ravens start showing up. Ut oh, a bad omen. This is heading somewhere!

Sam heads out to take a look.

There are now birds everywhere. Alfred would be proud.

The birds go quiet. Something has arrived. It is a white walker! Oh FUCKKKKK!

Sam man’s the fuck up and tries to fight it. The walker grabs Sam’s sword casts frost blot and freezes that mother fucker. Then sends Sam flying.

As the walker heads toward the babe, Sam pulls out the Dragonglass blade and stabs the thing in the back. It collapses and Sam runs off without the BLADE followed by all of the ravens!

Even though it is a holiday weekend, if you aren’t too hammered (I might be) be sure to tune in for Episode 9, it is going to be crazy good!

Edit, Episode 9 doesn’t run until June 2nd! Thanks Trav!