Game of Thrones Season 3 Episode 5 – Kissed By Fire

Season 3 Episode 5 – Kissed By Fire

I apologize for missing last week. I’ve been busy.

Overall Thoughts: Last week was the best episode of the Season and featured perhaps the best episode ending of the entire series (Blackwater and the beheading of Ned would be the others). This episode didn’t disappoint either. It was very solid and had some great, great scene work. The bathhouse scene with Jaime and Brienne did not disappoint. I told you in the beginning that you would like Jaime and a lot of people are jumping on the bandwagon!  He is on the road to redemption.

Grade: A-

The show opens with Thoros giving a prayer.

“For the night is dark and full of terrors.”

He is prepping Beric for his one-on-one battle with the Hound. Thoros ignites Dondarrion’s blade and it is ON!

Beric Kissed_Fire3

Shit just got real.

They knock a bunch of shit around and Thoros has to move Arya out of the way at one point. Beric gets the upper hand and lights the Hounds’ shield on fire. The crowd starts chanting “guilty” and Arya gets into it as well. The Hound battles back and out of nowhere cleaves Beric’s shoulder in half, it had to be a death blow.

Beric Dead

“Well, that didn’t go according to plan.”

The Red Priest goes to Beric’s aid and starts praying for him. Arya goes after the Hound herself, but Gendry intervenes.

The Hound laughs and says, “I guess their god likes me more than your butcher’s boy.”

I laugh. Why did I laugh? That shit isn’t funny.

Why do I like the Hound so much? Oh, I remember.

Arya tells him to burn in hell and Beric stands up. I thought he was dead?

“He will but not today.” – Beric Dondarrion

He is alive?!? WTF?

I thought you were done for Dondarrion!

North of the Wall, Orell is all up Jon’s ass asking questions about how many Crows are at Castle Black, which castles are manned and stuff. Jon surely doesn’t appreciate the game of 20 questions.

jon questions

“What’s with all the questions, bird man?

“What happens to your eagle after I kill you? Does he drift away like a kite with the strings cut or does he just flop dead to the ground.”

Jon is finally starting to be a badass.

The true badass, Tormund Giantsbane steps in.

After things settle down, Ygritte steals Jon’s sword and runs into a cave. She starts stripping. It looks like she wants Jon’s other sword as well.

“I want you to see me. All of me.”

Cave

Oh we see you Ygritte. We see YOU!

The start making out and Jon goes South of the WALL! Wowzers!

“You know nothing Jon…OH OH!”

She then asks Jon the best question ever posed on GOT:

“That thing you did with your mouth, is that what lords do to their ladies in the south?”

Snow’s response:

“I don’t know I just wanted to kiss you there is all.”

Damn son. You a smoothie, definitely a smoothie.

We find out Jon was a virgin, or a maid.

Ygritte starts talking about all the dick she has gotten and Jon changes the subject. They hop in the water and start going at it again. Maybe she should have bathed before he went down on her! Courtesy Ygritte, courtesy!

Back in the other cave, the Hound wants his gold. They argue and set him free, but not before these parting words…

“The Lord of Light isn’t done with you yet!”

Roose Bolton is presented with the Kingslayer, Jaime Lannister.

“You’ve lost a hand.” – Roose to Jaime

roose_bolton

No shit Sherlock.

Roose frees Brienne.

Jaime asks about word from the capital and Roose makes it sound like Cersei is dead, but then pulls a just kidding! Weird. What a freak.

Jaime collapses and heads off the see the Maester Qyburn, who wants to take the whole arm, but Jaime isn’t down for that.

He don’t want no stinking Milky of the Poppy! That’s right. Jaime is no pussy bitch.

Also, this exchange is great.

“There will be pain.” – Qyburn

“I’ll scream. – Kingslayer

“Quite a bit of pain.” – Kybin

“I’ll scream loudly”

handless

He made his sister scream as well. Cheap joke, sorry.

In King’s Landing, Cersei puts Littlefinger on assignment to find out what the Tyrells are up to.

Meanwhile, Lady Olenna is meeting with Tyrion and she is her usually thorny self.

“Gods boy that’s enough we’re not in a tavern.”

“I always take figs in the afternoon. They help move the bowels.”

Gross.

Tyrion wants to cut costs for the Royal Wedding. Lady Olenna says no way, and disses Tyrion.

“I was told you were a drunk, impertinent and thoroughly divulged. You will imagine my disappointment and finding nothing but a brow beaten book keeper.”

Damn! Tyrion does need to get back to being his cheery, drunken self.

After a bit, she offers to pay for half and Tyrion is pleased.

Back to Arya, who is talking to Gendry and he informs her that he is going to stay and work for the Brotherhood. Arya argues with him for a while, but Gendry makes a good point.

“I’ve served men my entire life.”

She walks away. Arya lost another friend.

arya sad

AWWWWWWW. Tear.

At Riverrun, Rickard Karstark and company kill the little Lannister boys.

What a fuck head.

Robb is told, and he is PISSSSSSED!

His council, Edmure, Catlyn and Talisa all want him to keep Karstark as a hostage. He decides to hang them all and kill Rickard Karstark even though he will lose many, many men, about half.

“This one was only the watcher. Hang him last so he can watch the others die.”

DAAAAAMN.

“He has to die.”

It is raining outside. This scene is very similar to when Theon cut off that guys’ head in season 2. Unlike Theon, it only took one swing for Robb. He is a home run hitter.

Karstark

“Kill me and be cursed. You are no King of mine.”

What a sweet scene.

We follow the fire back to Arya, who is going through her special psycho list of people she wants to die.

Thoros is boozing, and tells Arya that they are going to ransom her. They don’t want too, but…

Thoros again

“We need the gold.”

I love Thoros.

Beric joins the party and tells Arya he has died before. What?

How many times?

“Five I think. No, this will be six.”

And you’ve been got by both the Mountain and the Hound?

“Second time I’ve been killed by a Clegane.”

Does it make you feel weird?

“Every time I come back, I’m a bit less.”

Arya wants to know if Thoros could bring back Ned, even though he is sans head.

Cantcomeback

“Sorry, sweetie, ain’t no coming back from this!”

Doesn’t work that way apparently. Good thought though!

We meet Stannis’ wife. She is big into the Lord of Light.

Apparently he keeps her locked in a tower. Melisandre has been snitching on Stannis though.

QueenSelyseBaratheon

“I know you’ve been creeping with other tricks and I don’t give a damn.”

She also has three dead babies in jars. This bitch is crazier than the rest of the crazies.

“When she told me, I wept with joy.”

“She gave you a son.”

No, she gave him a vagina monster.

Stannis wants to see his daughter, Shireen

She has some sort of shingles on her face. I think it is called greyscale in the books.

Shireen

“Hey, at least I’m better looking than Honey Boo Boo.”

She has a very pretty voice though. It looks like she is locked in a tower as well.

The girl is a real sweetheart. She wants to know if the Onion Knight is with him, and Stannis tells her the Onion Knight has been a bad boy.

“He is rotting in a dungeon cell for his crime.”

Back with Jaime and Brienne, who is naked as her name day taking a bath.

Jaime jumps in with her and Brienne is shook.

shook

“There is another tub.”

He starts prodding her about Renly again and he apologizes.

Once again Renly gets more postmortem love than he did when he was alive.

Jaime goes into the story that helped to make him my favorite character.

JLB

“I should’ve told everyone that King was cray.”

“Do you think the honorable Ned Stark wanted to hear my side? He judged me guilty the moment he sent eyes on me. By what right does the wolf judge the lion?”

He has just lived with so much hate for so long. What a powerful scene. The ending was a bit over the top, with him moaning “my name is Jaime,” but it was great nonetheless.

Back on Dragonstone, Davos is visited by Stannis’ young daughter. She wants to teach him to read. How sweet.

“This word is Aegon.”

We jump back to Essos and Jorah Mormont and Barristan are discussing Thoros and being knighted.

“All I could think off was how badly I had to piss.”

Selmy also speaks about how Robert Baratheon and Aerys were bad kings and how Dany would be a good ruler.

Speaking of, Dany tells the Unsullied they can change their names. The chosen leader Grey Worm would rather keep his name. It is his lucky name.

greyworm

“Just don’t call me Dracarys.”

“Red Flea, Black Rat. Names that remind them who they are. Vermin.”

By the way, how cool is the language they speak. It sounds awesome.

Selmy and Mormont continue to talk and Mormont is tyring to find out if Barristan knows about his betrayal.

Barristan then really pisses off Jorah, but inferring that he would make Dany look bad back in Westeros. Jorah tells him to fuck off.

In Riverrun, Robb is working on a new strategy now that the Karstarks have left him. He determines that he will attack Casterly Rock with the help of Walder Frey. Yes, the same Walder Frey that he screwed over before. Is this a good plan? Most likely some concessions will have to be made.

“I’m going to take their home away from them.”

Also, Talisa tells Robb she doesn’t even know where Winterfell is.

Wasn’t she of noble birth? They don’t teach them geography across the sea? I don’t think that adds up.

Sansa and Margaery are chilling in the garden watching Loras spar. Sansa wants to know when she will be wed to Loras. She also believes that Joffrey won’t let it happen.

Margaery thinks otherwise.

“And only one to let you go. Because it will please me.”

Marge

Every dude watching the show would like to please you.

She is awful full of herself, and I like it.

All of a sudden one of the squires is hitting on Loras and we cut to them in the bedroom trying to poke each other with fleshy spears.

“That didn’t take long.” – Littlefinger.

Which part was he referring to?

The squire was a spy for Lord Baelish, and he informs Littlefinger that Loras is engaged to be wed. That cunning bastard Littlefinger figured it out in about ten seconds.

He meets with Sansa to confirm the rumor, and Sansa all of a sudden wants to stay. Littlefinger is way to smart for that shit.

Finally, we come to the closing scene. It was fucking awesome.

Tyrion meets with Tywin and Cersei is already there wanting as well.

“Your sister has learned that your new friends the Tyrells are plotting to marry Sansa Stark to Ser Loras.”

Tyrion finds this amusing.

“Missing some of Loras’ favorite bits, but I’m sure they’ll make do.”

Tywin does not, apparently Sansa is the key to the North.

Tywin is setting up everything up for a huge bomb.

“We will find Sansa Stark a different husband.”

tywin n tyrion

TYRION!

The half-man is not down with this plan, but Tywin insists.

“The girls’ happiness is not my concern, nor should it be yours.”

“You will wed her bed her and put a child in her. Surely your capable of that.”

They debate some more and the information that Tyrion has been married before pops up.

“I was wed.”

Then Charles Dance delievers three words in such a powerful way.

Tywin strong

“Only too well.”

He says it through his teeth, and that shit seriously gave me chills.

Cersei is super excited about the developments, then Tywin flips it on her. She has to marry Loras Tyrell.

Now she is all, “Daddy, NO!”

“I’m Queen Regent, not some brood mare.”

Tywin insists again.

“You’re my daughter. You will do as I command!”

Tywin gets up and leaves the room.

“My children,” he says with disgust. “You’ve disgraced the Lannister name for far too long.”

Cut to black.

Holy FUCK! This show is even exciting when it is planning weddings! What other show can possibly say that?

 

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