Welcome to the Game of Thrones recap. I am a huge fan of the show and I have read all the books, or listened to the audiobooks. I don’t spoil anything, but I do make some comparisons to the book.
Season 3 – Episode 2 – Dark Wings, Dark Words
Overall thoughts: Much like last week’s episode, Dark Wings, Dark Words was fairly slow, was but it was necessarily so because we only caught up with about half of the characters in the premiere. The Jaime and Brienne showdown was not as good as I hoped, but anytime the Kingslayer gets a lot of screen time I will be pleased. He is my favorite character. Many people ask why, but if you keep watching you will find out. We also finally caught up with Arya, a favorite of many a GoT fan, Bran, and Theon.
We open with Bran running through the forest. It is likely a dream because we all know Bran’s legs are busted. The three-eyed Raven swoops in and Bran, god he looks much older than last year, prepares to take a shot at it with his bow. Out of nowhere Jon Snow and Robb show up. They give him some advice, but he still misses. They laugh at him and then Ned Stark’s voice comes from above. Another boy appears. It is Jojen Reed!
“You can’t kill it you know…Because the Raven is you.”
Bran wakes up to see the wolves, Rickon, Hodor, and Osha. Bran describes his dream to Osha, but she doesn’t want to hear it. She isn’t a fan of the dark arts in this universe either.
“Keep that shit to yourself, Bran.”
We jump to Robb and his woman, Talisa. She tells him that her mother used to say that Westerosi were grim bearded, stinking Barbarians. They start to make out and Roose Bolton rolls in with word from Riverrun and Winterfell. It is bad news as expected. Dark Wings, Dark Words, a nice nod to the show’s title.
Roose always be cock blocking.
Robb tells Catelyn that they are heading to Riverrun because her pops kicked the bucket and she wonders if she will be wearing manacles at the funeral.
He also lets her know that the roof is on fire in Winterfell and they don’t need no water because no one has seen Bran and Rickon either.
Catelyn asks if Robb has received any demands from Theon. He hasn’t.
If you say his name his name he will appear and we cut to Theon tied up, being tortured. He doesn’t know why he is being tortured, and his captor won’t tell him, but he will shove a piece of metal through his finger. Ouch. This happened in the books, but it happened off screen. They are likely going to show Theon’s storyline because Alfie Allen was so good last season.
“Last season I was stabbing bitches, but now bitches be stabbing me!”
Next up we are in a field and yes, it is the Jaime and Brienne road show! Jaime’s wit is on full display. He is sick of Brienne and isn’t afraid to tell her about it.
“No one enjoys the company of a humorless mute. Trust me on this…You think Lady Stark’s going to want a giant toe-headed plank following her around for the rest of her life. A week’s journey with you and she’ll order you to fall on your sword.”
“If I didn’t lay the pipe to my sister, I would be the best thing to
come out of Westeros since Balor the Blessed!”
We pause for a piss break and it looks like Brienne checks out his goods! Maybe it was just the weird camera angle though.
Jaime wants to know how Brienne came into Lady Stark’s service. Brienne tells him to mind his fucking business. Then Jaime drops this line.
“It to be recently. You weren’t with her at Winterfell…Because I visited Winterfell. I would have noticed your dower head smacking into the arch ways.”
He keeps pressing her for info and deduces that she was in Renly’s service. He isn’t a huge fan of the dead man.
“You weren’t Renly’s type I’m afraid. He preferred curly haired little girls like Loras Tyrell.”
“It’s a shame the throne isn’t made out cocks. They’d have never got him off it!”
This is why he is my favorite.
They come across a traveler on the road. Jaime thinks that the man may have recognized him. He wants to kill the man so he won’t tell anyone, but Brienne isn’t down with killing random dudes on the street.
“Just because I’m a big bitch, doesn’t mean I’m a big bitch.”
We jump back to King Joffrey. He’s the worst. He is getting his new threads and his tailor is trying to make him wear some flowers, but Joff ain’t a bitch. Fuck if he wears flowers.
Cersei thinks Joffrey should give the flowered fabric to Margaery.
“Give it to Margaery for her wedding gown. It should be enough fabric.”
Cersei wants to know what Joffrey thinks about Marge, and he is happy because with the Tyrell’s at his side they can run shit.
She wants to know what he thinks about her though, not just the power her family brings.
Joff doesn’t want to talk to his mom about girls though. Who does?
“She married Renly Baratheon because she was told to. That is what intelligent women do, what they’re told.”
“I hate women and gays. Could I get any worse?”
Yup, he is still a little shit.
We move to Sansa and Shae, discussing Littlefinger. Shae says Littlefinger wants to get it in with Sansa, but she doesn’t think so.
“He is too old.”
Shae is being super protective of Sansa.
Loras Tyrell shows up to take her to see Margaery and his grandma in the gardens.
Sansa seems to dig Loras, but as we know she is missing something he likes.
We see Margaery for the first time this episode. Good lord she is sexy.
Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
We meet Lady Olenna, the Queen of Thorns. She has no filter.
“I’m a straight up G, as in Grandma, and I get my cheese when I want.”
“Loras is young and very good at knocking men off horses with a stick. That does not make him wise. As to your fat head father…”
They discuss Renly and then move into an outdoor gazebo for Lemon Cakes. Sansa likes her some lemon cakes.
The reason they invited Sansa was to find out more about Joffrey.
She is scared to say anything negative about the king, but the Queen of Thorns pushes for more.
“Yes, all Lannister’s are lions, and when a Tyrell farts it smells like a rose.”
They keep on Sansa, and she finally gives in.
“He’s a monster.”
They really don’t care the wedding is still on anyway.
The Stark army is marching to Riverrun for the funeral and Lord Karstark thinks it is a waste of time. He also thinks Robb fucked up by marrying the wrong woman.
“You lost this war the day you married her.”
Talisa and Catelyn talk, as Catelyn makes a prayer circle of the seven thing. Catelyn goes into an awesome monologue about how she prayed for Jon Snow to die. He came down with the pox and she changed her mind and begged the gods to save him.
“When my husband brought that baby home from the war, I couldn’t bear to look at him. I didn’t want to see those brown strangers’ eyes staring up at me. So, I prayed to the gods. Take him away, make him die. He got the pox. And I knew that I was the worst woman who ever lived. Murderer. I condemned this poor innocent child to a horrible death all because I was jealous of his mother. A woman he didn’t even know. So I prayed to all seven gods. Let the boy live. Let him live and I’ll love him. I’ll be a mother to him. I’ll beg my husband to give him a true name. To call him Stark and be done with it. To make him one of us…And I couldn’t keep my promise. And everything that has happened since then, all this horror that has come to my family is all because I couldn’t love a motherless child.”
Wow! That was powerful. This in no way happened in the books, but it is interesting that the writers decided to make Catelyn a little more sympathetic. I really felt for her after that speech. She blames herself for all the ill that came to her family.
One thing I didn’t like though was the mention of the brown eyes. Obviously, the actor has brown eyes, but in the book Jon’s eye color is part of the reason many people speculate, who his parents really are! Major spoilers at the link!
Speaking of the bastard, we move North of the Wall to Jon Snow marching with Mance Rayder.
He tells Jon how he brought the clans together.
“I told them we were all going to die if we don’t get South, because that is the truth.”
Some dude Orell is acting all funny. He is a warg, a skin changer.
Ygritte gives Jon shit.
“You’ve never met a warg?”
Bitch I am a warg.
Orell saw a bunch of dead crows up at the Fist of the First Men.
We move onto Sam and the rest of the Night’s Watch. They are still marching back to the wall and Sam isn’t doing too well. He can barely walk and one of his brothers is talking shit.
“Why don’t you lie down and rest for a while. You know you want to.”
Fortunately, a few of Sam’s (kind of) friends come help him up. He doesn’t want help. He resents them for leaving him back with the White Walkers.
“Your fat and your slow and we didn’t want to die.”
Joer Mormont intervenes.
“Tarly, I forbid you to die.”
Shit Joer, I didn’t know you cared. Wait, in the Night’s watch they forbid you to take any lands, they forbid you to fuck and they forbid you to die? What they hell are you supposed to do all day?
We head back to Bran in the forest. His wolf Summer knows something is up. Osha heads off to check it out and Jojen Reed, the boy from his dream in the opening of the episode appears. Osha gets the drop on him, but Jojen’s sister, Meera drops in on her. Jojen holds out his hand and the wolf likes him all of a sudden.
“I know shit.”
Jojen seems to know a lot about Bran. He has been looking for him.
Arya, Gendry and Hot Pie are walking and Gendry is trying to figure out why Arya didn’t pick some higher profile people for Jaquan to kill.
“You could have ended the war.” – Gendry
A group of people are on the road and they are singing the Rains of Castamere. (I thought this was weird because it is a Lannister song, and these people are so not Lannisters.) They are spotted and Arya hops out. She starts acting all tough.
“Leave us be and I won’t kill you.”
This group of travelers is the Brotherhood Without Banners, the group that have been causing trouble for Tywin Lannister.
The leader is Thoros of Myr. He’s a red priest like Melisandre, but we aren’t told this on screen yet. He wants to learn more about them over dinner. Fat Pie doesn’t want to go but he is forced to when the bowman shoots an area in his general vicinity.
“Here’s the thing fat boy. When I’m done talking, that arrow is falling down on your fat head. So, I advise you move because I’m done talking.”
They then continue to make fun of his obesity.
“Half the country is starving and look at this one.”
“Maybe he is the reason half the country is starving.”
“Come on guys, if I was skinny you couldn’t call me Fat Pie!”
Back in King’s Landing, Shae is in Tyrion’s bed chamber (Dinklage!!!). Tyrion is annoyed that Shae is showing up in his room. He doesn’t want his dad to know he is still bedding hos.
Shae is worried about Sansa and finds out Tyrion banged out Ros.
Then, Tyrion slips up and lets Shae know he thinks Sansa is dope. She thinks he is a little perv. He kind of is.
“What can I say, booze and women are my mainstay.”
After that talk, they start hooking up and she puts her lips around his lion.
Margaery stops in the see Joffrey. He is playing with his new crossbow. He presses her about Renly and she plays her way out of it. “I’ve considered making his perversion punishable by death.”
Apparently there is even gay bashing in Westeros.
She then turns things to the crossbow. This gets Joffrey all excited. He is a psychopath. He gets turned on by the thought of her killing something.
Back to Theon getting tortured. He captor is asking him why he took Winterfell. Theon tells him the truth, but he keeps torturing Theon anyway.
When the group leaves, one of the workers tells Theon his sister sent him to help Greyjoy escape.
This scene actually makes me feel bad for Theon.
Bran and his new friends are walking, and Jojen tells Bran about his warg ability and the three-eyed raven.
“The raven brings the sight.”
Jojen also has the sight. Jojen’s dad saved Bran’s dad. They were boys apparently.
We cut to a tavern and Thoros is trying to get Arya to drink.
“We’re not children.”
She lies about their escape from Harrenhal.
“Gendry’s a smith. He was apprentice in the armory…Gendry stole us weapons. He knows how to use a sword and so do I.”
Like a proper fool she pulls her sword on Thoros. In one move he disarms her. What the fuck was she doing?
Thoros lets the trio go, but just as they are about to head out, the rest of the Brotherhood brings in the Hound. They found him passed out drunk and captured him.
The Hound and Thoros know each other. I know I’m not supposed to like the Hound, but I love how he talks.
“Thoros? The fuck you doing here?”
“What in seven hells are you doing with a Stark bitch.”
I didn’t even have to make those up! He is just the best.
Back to the Jaime and Brienne roadshow! They need to cross the river, but they don’t know if they should go over the bridge and risk being seen, or if they should swim.
“It’s a tough decision. Take the bridge and risk being seen…Cross by water and the current could take us or I could escape down the river.”
She elects to have them take the bridge. Jaime starts acting up and just plops down on the bridge.
“I never used to get corns…”
She tries to pick him up and he grabs her sword.
“I never understood the need for some knights to carry two swords.”
It is on.
“You move well, for a great beast of a woman.”
Brienne holds her own, but Jaime mocks her anyway.
“You shouldn’t grimace before you lunge. It gives away the game.”
He points out that she really can’t hurt him without hurting herself.
“If you kill me you fail Lady Stark, but if you don’t kill me, I’m going to kill you.”
They battle back and forth and Brienne ends up getting the better of the Kingslayer. They didn’t do a good enough job showing what a good swordsman Jaime is supposed to be. In the book he stabs her in the leg and the end up in the river where his chains restrict his movement and Brienne ends up almost drowning him.
A group of men come rolling up the road. It is the flayed men of House Bolton. The man they didn’t kill, did in fact know who Jaime was, and ratted them out.
The leader of the group is a guy named Locke. He is not in the book. In the book Jaime and Brienne are taken by a group called the Brave Companions and they are led by Vargo Hoat, (major spoilers at the link!) who was a great foil to Jaime.
Jaime tries to weasel his way out but Locke isn’t having it.
“I’d rather he takes your (head).”
It looks as if the roadshow has concluded as we cut to black.
Oh and HBO renewed the show! It was a definite, but it is still good news!
See you next week!